Anna Domini

Here's an interesting thing that has just come into my mind: that in a way I'm living the most free life I'm able to create in a given situation. There is a huge BUT in this sentence: BUT I can do it only because I have people who deal with the system FOR me. My husband most of all.

But in all other parts of life I avoid the system as much as I can: I'm not going to any office and don't have any official job, I don't visit official hospitals and my son went there just a couple of times, I plan to educate my son outside official education system (for a few years at least), and he has never been to a kindergarden... So in many ways I am invisible for ... как здесь сказать "государство" в нашем бытовом понимании?... чтобы не повторять слово system?
And it gives me an illusion of being invincible.

Unfortunately I clearly understand that it cannot last forever. Someday one of us may get into an accident, or get seriously ill, or something. Someday my son will have to deal with military authorities. Someday the government may take away every property that gives us some independence from it. Or that crazy printer will produce some more crazy laws... And this tiny tender world of mine will be destroyed.

All the time I think about it (and I think about it a lot), I'm comforting myself with "then we'll evacuate to Israel, or find a way to emigrate to Finland", but mostly I just repeat this legendary phrase "I'll think about it tomorrow".

May tomorrow never come, please, god.

У меня катастрофически мало практики активного использования языка. Все понимаю, а говорю с трудом.
Поэтому решила попытаться писать сюда на английском. На злободневные темы, что ли, пока не знаю.

Today there were two news which attracted my attention immediately.
And one of them was about Oleg Karavaichuk, whom we knew well. There are a few things that come to my mind as I write his name: that he was a vunderkind (gifted child?.. don't know the word), that he was crazy and very poor, and that he liked me in a very strange way. He often came to me to say hello, invited me to his concerts (and I blame myself now I haven't attend any), and it is even more astonishing as he often did not think well of people around. I felt something special, as he favourited me - who am I? just a girl living nearby?... I felt very embarrased and confused every time he spoke to me, cause I didn't understand, why.

Another very sad thing about him and his death is that I've tried to listen to his music several times, but I never liked it. And today, as if in memory of this person, whom I knew and who passed away, I opened this video - and what a surprise, it's wonderful, it's amazing, it's Music... And now he will never come to our fence with his "hello, I'll have a concert this week, would you like to come?..."
My life is not only full of such things - it is a life of missed EVERYTHING. I always understand, what I could have done, whom I could have talked to, right after it becomes impossible.
What a dickhead am I.

Here I write this, just to remind you, there was such a boy talented since birth. Living after his mother's death all alone, terribly deprived of everything but music. He ate 2 bananas a day, he slept on the floor, and his piano also laid there with him, he was freezing in winter and always walking around and singing in summer, and he died all alone, some strangers (workers) found him unconscious in his house. He died in hospital a few days after. Nobody came. A genius (possibly) as it is.